Resolving Conflict

     Currently I am experiencing a conflict between my two assistant directors that cannot get along due to their strong personalities and the manner in which they interact with each others designated programming staff. These two ladies cannot agree to anything from scheduling, evaluations, or accountability! I held a meeting with them in my office just recently because they were arguing in the office that the two of them share which is next to my office where I was conducting orientation for new hires! I had to stop what I was doing and have my trainer continue with the orientation. Immediately, I met with both ladies and allowed each to take their turn expressing their concerns. It was a "heated" conversation that became loud, so loud that I threatened to call the police!
     Two strategies I have learned that might help me manage the conflict more productively would be, Collaboration and Forgiveness. Collaboration between the two assistants would allow them to concentrate on their issues with each other and ask questions that will hopefully discover more information hat may reveal truthful or deeper concerns. Forgiving each other would be a good strategy because there were rude and uncomfortable statements made from each person. Encouraging them to be civil with each other and admit to their negativism contributed to the conflict would be a tremendous accomplishment toward moving forward, "to forgive is an emotional transformation, in which you "let go" and move beyond the conflict or "wrong" that you perceive another has done to you" (Waldron & Kelly, 2005).
     The 3 R's "respectful, reciprocal, and responsive can better help resolve this conflict as well as NVC's strategies such as seeking to understand both sides and the fact that I do not have to take sides or be neutral; I can take the third side which is the mission of the organization!
     A fellow colleague of mine stated that they have learned to be a more effective communicator as it relates to conflict resolution skills using the following strategies:
*Bring the problem "to the table"
*Find out what the problem could be
*Talk about different ways to handle the issue
*Listen to each other's points of view
*Agree to disagree and be respectful of each other's views as adults
(S. Dawkins, 2015, personal communications)

References

Dawkins, S. (November, 2015, personal communication).

The Third Side. (n.d.). The third side. Retrieved from http://www.thirdside.org/3SAssumptions

Waldron, V. R., & Kelly, D. L. (2005). Forgiving communication as a response to relational

     transgressions. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 22, 723-742.



How Others View Me As A Communicator

     Once I completed the profile questionnaires on listening, verbal aggressiveness, and communication anxiety and compared the similarities and differences between how my co-worker evaluated me as a communicator and how I evaluated myself as a communicator, I found the results interesting because there were more differences than similarities.
     The one thing that surprised me the most were the results for verbal aggressiveness and communication anxiety because my co-worker rated me as an attacker of others position and as someone that is hurtful and intimidating during interactions. I on the other hand consider myself to be a focused listener and fair with everyone. I am guilty of using a "sand timer" during conversations with staff because I have many tasks and deadlines to meet throughout the week. I am aware that my facial expressions are probably not pleasant, because I have heard from staff and parents alike, "You know what it means when you see that Shelita look". I know that I need to work on myself because when I look over my glasses without no expression on my face, I mean business.
     Other insights about communication that I gained this week is in regards to perception and self-esteem. Making perceptions at work while responding to e-mails sometimes gives off negative vibes to others. I have been asked by co-workers from other facilities if I was upset or offended based on my e-mails in the work environment. I will practice thinking before I select "Send" in the future. Personally, perception effects my relationship with my oldest daughter, because I am not fond of her boyfriend based on one conversation I over heard between she and him. I may be wrong about him, he is in college, cares for her, and caters to her, but that one instance made me doubtful. People tell me that the more I resist the closer their relationship will become. I am working on me and at least greeting him indirectly!
     I learned that professionally I need to work on not expecting others to respond in the same manner as I do even though we hold the same title. Their self-esteem may not be as high as mine. a mentor of mine stated that, "We are not all built the same", and I interpret this to mean that everyone does not have the same will, drive, passion, or tough skin as the next person no matter what their station in life may be.
     In my personal life I encourage self-esteem in my children and my spouse by telling them that I love them, how proud I am of them, and encouraging them when they do not feel as though they have given their best effort at work, school, and friendships. I realize that self-esteem is innate, but I believe that everyone needs a cheerleader in their life to lift them up.

Cultural Diversity and Communication

     I communicate differently with people from different cultures such as (Filipino and Ethiopian), and people that live their lives through their religion (reading their Bible during lunch or "Holy rollers").
     When I communicate with these two cultures mentioned I have to listen closely and ask them to repeat what they are trying to communicate. I ask them to repeat themselves because I cannot understand them, and sometimes they speak so fast, I get confused and ask whoever I am speaking with to slow down.
     Communicating with people that are religious I am mindful in regards to what I say and how I say it, "Being sensitive doesn't mean giving up your own beliefs and practices,  but it does mean not forcing them blindly on others"(O'Hair, 2015, et., al., p. 143).
     Three strategies I could use to help my communication be more effective would be to 1) listen, then repeat back to the person what I believe I heard instead of asking them to repeat themselves repeatedly 2) research the two cultures, "Learning culture-specific information can be a useful starting point in intercultural communication...Knowledge can increase your awareness of other ways of communicating" (O'Hair, 2015, et., al., p. 143). Lastly, 3) I could change my behavior of avoiding people that are always talking about religion. I could practice greeting them with a smile and attempting to listen and have small talk while monitoring my facial expression so that I do not appear annoyed or offensive.

                                

References

O'Hair, D., Weimann, M., Mullin, D. 

     I., & Teven, J. (2015). Real 

     communication (3rd. ed.). New

     York: Bedford/St. Martin's

Interpreting Communication

     I watched a random show on The African Channel 195 titled' Da Kink in My Hair'. It is a comedy/drama show that ran for thirty minutes in length. I watched the show on mute and observed that the characters have relationships based on the setting in a beauty salon. Two characters appear to flirt with one another, one character appears to be loud and rude based on her body language and facial expressions, and one character appears to be suffering from an illness because she has bald patches in her head and she looks upset.
     Some feelings displayed by the characters are rolling of the eyes, piercing of the lips, and throwing their hands in the air as if to say, "Talk to the hand"!
     Some assumptions that I made were that what I thought was an illness was rather a condition called (alopecia). I assumed that one of the characters was loud and rude, but she was actually low toned but very expressive with her face. The flirting was also an assumption because the male character was someone of interest to the famale character. The plot is located in Jamaica, in a beauty salon.
     My assumptions probably would have been more exact based on a show I know well, however, I was not that far off my observations while watching the show on mute.
     I learned that it is not a good idea to assume what I see is exactly what is happening. It is best to ask questions and investigate before assuming and making misjudgments!